Today's Journey Into Human Stupidity: Hot, Sexy Cougar Attacks

Today's journey into the infinite realm of human stupidity takes us to the state where approximately 84% of it flows from:  Florida.  A 16 year old girl has been hospitalized after being attacked by a cougar.  "But I thought cougars only went after guys in their 20s" you say?  Ummm, not that kind of cougar.

This kind of cougar:

So what exactly happened?  Did the cougar escape his cage at the zoo?  After all, the chances of coming across an actual cougar in the general outdoors in the state of Florida have got to be somewhere between slim and none, right?  Well, apparently not:

"The young woman was attacked at the house at 17910 NW 84th Avenue in Palm Springs North."

Ok, so we've got a cougar, in a house...what's the explanation?

"Morales says the young man was trying to impress his girlfriend and her mother."  

Ahhh, that makes sense.  Before I got engaged, I too had to first prove my worth to my wife's family by showing off my collection of exotic animals.  It's a pretty common American tradition, so I can see where the guy's coming from.  But why would this cute little animal that's totally fit for domestication attack this innocent victim?

"It is unclear why the 150 pound cougar attacked the teen,..."

Hmmm, maybe because it's a wild fucking animal that should never under any circumstances be kept as a pet.  Yeah, I'm going to go with that one.  Is this still a new concept to some people?  In any case, at least now they've got this weirdo locked up, and they can get this wild animal to a zoo, or a refuge, or somewhere way more appropriate for it, right?

"...but the owner of the home apparently has the proper permits to have the large cat at his home."

They're giving out permits for these things??  I'm just going to issue a blanket statement to all Floridians here; get out of the gene pool.